INTIMACY BUILDING EXERCISES FOR COUPLES

Professional Licensure's

  • Kansas Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
  • Missouri Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Education & Training

  • M. A. Psychological Counseling
  • The John Gottman Institute - Marriage Therapy
  • Neil Jacobson - Marital Counseling
  • 400 Hours of Continuing Education Training

Professional Experience

  • Private practice for 22 years
  • Community Mental Health Center Case Manage for 4 years
  • Teacher and leader of numerous marriage and family classes, seminars and retreats

Professional Memberships & Certifications

  • Member American Association of Christian Counselors
  • Member Kansas Counselors Association
  • Certified Couple Communication Instructor, Interpersonal Communications Programs, Evergreen Co.
  • Certified Prep Facilitator (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program)
  • Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator
  • Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor

When the average person thinks of intimacy, the thought usually turns to sex. Intimacy however is much more than sex. The word intimacy has several meanings, including personal, private, and closeness. Men typically think of sex, women typically think of closeness. Increasing levels of personal closeness between partners will add a strength to any marriage. This will deepen your marriage in ways sex cannot.

Some people are very good about personal closeness. Some people are not at all comfortable here. Much of your comfort level depends on how you were raised and the experiences you have had. The modeling you received by your parents also plays a large role. You are more likely to be comfortable with personal closeness if you come from a happy family where conversation flowed freely. Conversely, you are more likely to be less comfortable if you come from an abusive home or relationship.

You will do your marriage a big favor by learning how to develop a deep level of personal closeness with your mate. You may have to step out of your comfort zone to accomplish this. You may have to get some personal counseling to work through some past issues. Or you may do very good with expanding your thinking and trying new things. Here are a few ideas to consider as you work to deepen your personal closeness with your mate.

1. Read a book together. Read one chapter a week. Set aside a time for 30 minutes of conversation about the reading. Bring one specific question from the reading for discussion.

2. Once a week discuss a current event which affected you, or you had strong feelings about.

3. Once a week set aside time to discuss specific issues regarding parenting.

4. Once a week set aside time to discuss specific issues regarding extended family.

5. Once a week set aside a time to discuss a specific issue regarding your faith.

6. Play a board or card game together, such as the Ungame, etc.

7. Take a 30 minute walk and talk about your hopes and dreams.

8. Make it a habit to sit at the table after dinner for a 15 to 30 minute chat about your day.

9. Limit your TV watching time. Take the time you would normally spend watching a program and sit together and discuss your family.

10.Go to a coffee shop and chat for an hour.

11.Walk the mall and share about your hopes and fears of the future.

12.Do a Bible study together. Read a portion a week and have a specific study time together.

13.Begin a program of scripture memorization together.

14.Have lunch together once a week.

15.Date your spouse at least twice a month.

16.Go to a movie, then go to coffee or dinner and discuss the content of the movie.

17.Sit outdoors under the stars and talk about your day.

18.Develop a habit of praying together on a basis both of you are comfortable with.